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Alternatives to Gary Chapman, Esther Perel & John Gottman

If you are looking for relationship advice, then here are a few options to consider.

Please Note: We can’t speak for the quality of the services provided by other companies and experts.

This article is based on our assumed popularity of the following service providers. It is not an endorsement of any service outside of Zensensa.

There are few things more draining on our energy and well-being than a relationship out of balance.

We invest so much time, energy, and money in our relationships because they are so crucial to our physical and emotional well-being, so when they don’t turn out right, it can be excruciating.

No one ever gave us the skills to build flourishing relationships, and often it’s unconscious patterns that cause the issue.

Today I have created a list of some of the most well-known relationship experts that help people learn the skills of building happy and growing relationships full of intimacy and great sex.

There is a lot of inadequate and counterproductive relationship advice out there, so it’s easy to get lost, confused, and apply ideas that make things worse.

However, there are some experts today that offer genuine advice, and each differs in their capabilities and strategies – from John Gottman to names like Zensensa, Layla Martin, Mark Groves, Mark Manson, miss Jaiya, Esther Perel and the Somatic Method.

There are also other resources like marriage.com if you are looking for some quick free resources.

The fundamental issue we found with all these experts except The Somatica Method and Zensensa was that they all work with a single isolated piece of relationships.

All relationship counseling or marriage therapy is either focused on issues created from attachment needs or individual needs.

However, none of them focus on both aspects, and without that, it’s bound to deliver less optimal results.

Also, attachment issues must be addressed first as, without safety, individual needs can’t be resolved as a partner that does not feel safe can’t listen to your needs for individual expression.

Finding the right expert for you is made easy with this comparative guide that highlights what you can expect to find and where to find it.

John Gottman

John Gottman focused mostly on prevention and resolving relationship conflict and look at relationships through the medical lens of dysfunction. 

His methods are missing the skills to make a relationship flourish.

His theories are also discoveries from lab research that does not replicate real-life factors. 

Many of the solutions offered are not practical because we don’t operate in labs. 

Our stress response, when triggered, makes us unable to incorporate these.

None violent communication has similar issues. It works when people are calm but not when they are triggered and need it the most.

He looks at a very narrow set of skills for relationships.

Having read his books and tried his home study program, I can say it had zero positive impact on my relationship.

That does not mean his theories are not valid but for them to work other skills are required that are missing from his work.


We had to include ourselves on top of this list. At the end of the day, we’re here to earn that penny 🙂 And, we genuinely think we’re your best option.

We decided to bring together all the different theories on relationships and sexuality and take the most successful and practical parts and incorporate them into a holistic approach.

We incorporated both the safety needs and the need for individual expression.

We also have a comprehensive focus on sexuality, a core part of relationship pair-bonding often neglected in most relationship solutions and offers.

While so many solutions will focus on theory, we emphasize practical applications that will show immediate results.

We also focus on skills that will not just reduce conflict but create a flourishing relationship full of intimacy and connection both emotionally and physically.

So, in short, we are different in that we are holistic, practical, and focus on flourishing rather than functional.

Layla Martin

Layla Martin is known for her focus on sexuality.

She offers courses in tantra sex, and she claims to have the most advanced training in sexuality on the planet.

We have not tried her products, so we can’t comment but did find the pricing very expensive for what seemed to be rebranded and overhyped sex techniques and ideas that can be found in many books.

However, we also heard some people had benefitted from her training.

We believe it’s around $10,000 +, so while it might be suitable, we think there are better ways to learn the same skills.

Gary Chapman - The 5 love languages

Gary Chapman is famous for his book the 5 love languages.

His idea is practical and straightforward to implement, and that is what I enjoy about it.

At the same time, I believe it’s such a tiny piece of relationship intimacy that it’s does not provide a robust framework to create a more intimate and loving relationship.

What it does give you is a quick and easy way to make some practical improvements and understanding different ways you can make your partner feel special.

We would recommend buying books such as “Making love real, Zensensa intimacy guide, The 5 love languages.”

The books would be a cheap way to add some invaluable relationship skills that will be guaranteed to improve your relationship significantly if you implement them.

Mark Groves

Mark Groves is more an internet sensation on Instagram than a relationship expert.

We could not find anything about his qualifications, and most of his advice seems to be based on his own opinion and not relationship research.

It’s too often easy to draw conclusions from our own lives and presume the same applies to others.

I will be honest that I am not a big fan of people that use their own experience as the foundation for helping others without a proper framework or grasp of the vast research in this area.

Mark offers some programs and on his site one to one coaching.

If you have relationship issues, I would recommend using an Emotionally focused therapist that has a qualified background in the most successful relationship therapy or a somatic therapist with a framework based on research.

Mark Manson

Mark Manson is a self-help guru, so like Mark Groves, his advice is based on his own experience and personal opinions.

He offers some ebooks and an online subscription similar to Zensensa.

We have not tried any of his products since we only explore research-based programs and products or services that have been extensively tested and shown to work.  

It might be worth a try, though, as the price point is low, so there is not much to lose.

Miss Jaiya

I read her kindle book, cuffed, tied, and satisfied.

If you are into kink, then it’s a gentle introduction and a good read.

She has made up some concepts of kink persona and 4 sex types, but I did not find these very helpful and seemed more to be a marketing tool.

I have not tried any of her online programs, but she does seem to have integrity in her training and how she presents herself.

I did try her program “Red Hot Touch,” but again, they did not provide any useful information for me and were more soft porn of how she likes stimulation.

Esther Perel

Esther Perel is known for her TED talk on relationships, and she is a great public speaker, and her ideas are good.

She has also written a book called Mating in Captivity, and it’s a great book with some beneficial insights on relationships.

The point that I took from the book, however, could have been communicated in a few pages, but I am still a fan.

The book is very theory-heavy and argues her case.

I believe she is correct; however, it is not very practical, so we have tried to take her ideas here at Zensensa and focus more on the actual application.

She also offers an online subscription at $50+ per month. We have not tried it so I can’t tell you if you are paying for her fame or practical information.

The Somatica Method

I must first say I am slightly biased because I trained with Celeste and Danielle, the founders of the Somatica Method.

However, I have done a lot of training, and most of it was very poor.

The Somatica Method is based on science and integration of all the different areas of relationships to create a framework for how to build flourishing relationships.

They currently have two books on Amazon and offer in-person training, but it’s around $8,000

The framework offered at Zensensa is very similar, and so I can highly recommend them.

We think that Zensensa offers the best solutions, with a framework that integrate all aspects of relationship skills and is based on research and time tested methods but then we are biased -)

If you want to learn more tips on how to get an incredible intimacy and sex life, then check out my eBook here.
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