Today I want to talk about the difference between men and women in a sexual context.
While there might be differences as claimed in the famous book Men are from Mars women are from Venus, the truth is actually very different to what’s claimed in this book.
Women often describe their favorite sexual experience differently to men.
Whilst many men are focused on getting somewhere fast, genital stimulation and is very visual, women are often focus on how they feel (taken, safe, loved), the buildup, etc…
Many, women grow up with very different messages around sex and this is part of the reason their response and needs are different.
Women are taught to be the protector of sex or they can be labelled a slut and be expelled from their social group and the laughing stock of both men and women.
This is an extremely painful emotion and so women often comply with this social norm and learn to suppress their sexual urge.
So it’s no wonder it’s harder for a women to get in touch with her sexual desire.
The actual difference in what we want to feel during sex is actually very similar and that where research has shown very different data to the claims made in the book “Men are from Mars women are from Venus”. We will explore a few of the differences here and why they exist.
Women often feel less initially desire and can take longer to get there.
This is partly due to differences in men and women’s brains, and hormonal structure, but just as much as the social messages we are subjected to as we grow up.
This is why some women can only feel desire through the man’s desire;
when he is turned on by them.
This explains why these women enjoy a man that can take charge, as it allows them let go of sexual responsibility in order to feel more.
Women have just as much sexual capacity, if not far more, than men.
However, they have been trained from kids to suppress these urges because it was deemed socially as “wrong” and “dangerous” and that men just want to use them.
They learned to be the gate keepers and say ‘no’ or worse to see sex as a duty regardless of how they feel.
That’s a hard place to feel desire from and explore one’s own pleasure.
This is a social norm that was created by a male dominated culture that wanted a level of control over women.
Men created shame around female sexuality so women would not express themselves freely and would be easier for men to control.
Sadly, after so many years propagating this culture, women have to some degree accepted this and now enforce it, keeping themselves and others sexually suppressed.
So many women today are still dependent on their man’s desire to feel their own and rely on the man to take responsibility.
It is still the reality you will face today and we have to relate to it in order to move forward.
If you understand this, you don’t get frustrated with women but can help them tap in to their desire, through your acceptance and encouragement which will hopefully help free them from this fallacy.
Women can get in touch with their own sexuality and allow themselves to explore and enjoy their bodies just for the pleasure of doing so.
We live in a society that expect women to be outwardly sexy and attractive but yet not be sexual and sleep with many partners.
Many women don’t learn about pleasure growing up and mainly learn about how to avoid pregnancy and sexual diseases, and avoid being “taken advantage off” by men.
From a Man’s perspective, it can be confusing that women dress sexy but might not feel sexual desire and be “ready”.
I hope this makes it a little clearer.
The most common complaint from women in long-term relationships is lack of sexual desire and no wonder when you look at what messages they have grown up with and the lack of information helping men understand women’s sexual response.
Many cultures also indicate that women are only valuable in context of their relationship with a man.
Our culture expects women to show their beauty and we judge women by their “beauty”, and at the same time women are bombarded with messages about how their body should look like and how imperfect they are.
Just look a magazines, advertising posters with photoshopped women or porn models with fake this and that.
For these massive industries it makes sense, as women spend more money buying clothing, makeup, cosmetic operations if women feel bad about themselves.
However, from a sexual perspective it’s horrible because now, everyone has insecurities and feel bad about parts of their bodies, which doesn’t allow them to feel as much pleasure during sex.
It can lead to less sexual enjoyment and therefore less sexual desire.
Let’s be clear, both women and men lose from this culture, so why do we accept it?
Girls are also taught to be “good” and “nice” and take care of others as a priority over their own needs.
This often leads to them not getting in touch with their own needs and desire and become unable to communicate these clearly.
At the same time, they’re receiving the absurd message about “true” love and that somehow magically their true love will know what they want and need.
Fake orgasms are part of many women’s learned behaviour to please.
They have learned to prioritise the man’s needs (his ego) over their own needs that they would rather sacrifice their own pleasure.
The man is completely unaware that what he is doing is not working, and this only leads to terrible sex, emotional disconnect and low sexual desire.
Women are easier distracted during sex meaning that small things like duties for the next day, the angry boss can make them lose desire.
Be understanding, and see if perhaps you can go a few stapes back again and build desire.
Sex is not a liner line from A to B.
There will be increase in desire, then some decrease and so on…..
If you get frustrated or angry it will just turn off desire and shut her down emotionally, leading to no sex and disconnection.
Enjoy the journey and focus less on orgasm and getting inside.
Then you might find a lot of new pleasure you never knew existed.