Three reasons to work with a sex coach
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Core erotic themes
We often think of sex as a physical act and talk about sex techniques and sex positions.
This sadly neglects the most important sexual organ—your brain.
As a sex coach, I teach people that what makes sex exciting, memorable, and intimate is when we know, share, and explore our core erotic themes.
The hidden fantasies and stimulation that makes one scenario feel so much more exciting than others.
Lack of desire is often down to two people unaware of their own and their partner’s core erotic theme, so they just fumble around in the blind, hoping the latest sex position or toy will do it for them.
Nothing will spice up your sex life more and get desire flowing than using your core erotic theme.
Check out the free sex quiz here.
Breaks and accelerators
Our sex drive is like a car with an accelerator and brake.
You need to discover that hits your accelerator and turns you on and hits the break to stop your desire.
A sex coach can help you map out your accelerators and breaks, and as long as the foot is on the brake, it does not matter how hard you push the accelerator. The car will not move.
I can help you discover your breaks and how to take the pleasure off.
But get ready for a newfound desire.
We often think of sex as mechanical issues that need to be solved and understood in isolation.
Oh, she needs more foreplay.
Oh, she likes clitoris stimulation.
I wish it were that simple, but it’s not, and that’s why a sex coach can be helpful.
How stressful, tired, resentful you both feel. The environment and so many factors. By understanding these, you can create a context that facilitates desire and a wonderful sex life.
A sex coach reveals 8 sex tips
As a sex coach, I have heard stories from thousands of people and I started to notice patterns of sex tips that worked for many couples.
Remember that all women are different and the most important reminder I give as a sex coach is that you must be present, listen to and encourage your partner to express what they like and dislike.
This focus alone can be an obstacle to orgasm for many women as they feel pressure or worry that they take too long.
This worry can take them out of their present bodily experience.
The rush towards orgasm does not only create pressure that inhibits orgasmic response and take away the focus on the extended physical, mental, and emotional stimulation that is a big part of sex.
It becomes a goal to reach rather than an enjoyable journey of exploration and to be present in the moment and with our sensations.
So firstly, let’s take away the focus on orgasm and make it about exploring pleasure and sensation and if orgasm comes along great if not, then it’s still great fun.
Now we got rid of rushing we can slow down, and this is where the magic begins.
You might have noticed that if you have a quick orgasm, it feels much less intense and satisfying compared to the prolonged pleasure that result in an orgasm that feels more intense and satisfying.
This is where edging comes in.
Edging is repeatedly nearing orgasm, but then stopping or slowing down to prevent it from happening, just to building it back up again.
Just edging close to orgasm but not allowing it to happen.
More than 60% of women report having more intense orgasms with edging so don’t try to get there as fast as you can.
Let her wait -)
Depending on your woman’s sexual response, she will prefer one of the 3 types of edging.
With this method, you completely stop all touch just before orgasm.
If your partner is highly sensitive and easily or quickly orgasm, then this method often works the best as keeping it close to the edge will likely tip them over the point of no return.
So, build up the sexual tension in the body, and just as she gets close to coming, you stop all stimulation.
It might feel a bit frustrating for her in the beginning, or she might feel she has to fake an orgasm because she is taking to long.
Ensure you reassure her that you love pleasing her and it’s not about getting to orgasm but about exploring her pleasure and you enjoy taking long.
Also, ask her to focus on herself and let her know you enjoy this.
You can keep this going and getting her close, but at some point, after 2 or 3 times I am sure at one point you both feel ready for her to have the orgasm if she feels it coming, if not that’s fine too.
With this method, you get to the point just before orgasm, and you then use a distraction method to change the focus away from the orgasmic stimulation.
Here is how it works.
As she is about to have an orgasm, you stop the stimulation and start tapping or touching surrounding areas.
It can be squeezing, tapping, or anything that takes the focus away from the coming orgasm.
Once the intensity has decreased, you can start stimulation again building up to orgasm.
Keep doing this in waves until you let her enjoy her orgasm.
Unlike the other two methods that can reduce the sensation and build up desire significantly meaning you have to start more from scratch this method keeps you close to the edge and just extend that pleasurable sensation without letting her orgasm just yet -)
As she gets close to orgasm, you continue to stimulation somewhere else but keep the stimulation pleasurable.
Then return to stimulate her towards orgasm.
You can keep this going until she wants to orgasm.
Just remember if you don’t want her to orgasm yet then extend the buildup.
As she gets near orgasm, make the touch lighter.
Also Edging 1 or 2 works better for people that come easily or quickly.
Edging 3 works better for women that tend to lose the orgasm completely.
Have fun with this one now let’s move to number 2
Building anticipation through touch is where we can use both physical and emotional elements to increase pleasure.
Don’t dive straight for the most sensitive spots. For two reasons, really.
Firstly, touching the nipples, clit, or penetration before she is turned on can feel very unpleasant.
Secondly, part of what creates
desire, turn her on, and increase
the “feel good” sensations are
building anticipation and the
uncertainty that she does not know when it will come.
In my eBook, I will cover in great details how to use different emotions to enhance sex.
Let’s look at the 3 ways of physical build anticipation.
In general start with peripheral touch and then slowly move more central.
Now when you get close to the clit and vulva, then move around with strokes but without touching the lips and clit.
Just get close.
Move on the inner side of her thighs close and circle.
Make her wait for it.
Trust me; she will love you for this.
Here you circle the opening.
Perhaps do some light tapping on the opening, and you may occasionally go in just a tiny bit and then pull out.
Keep building up her wanting something inside rather than being the man that penetrate before she wants it.
It makes all the difference.
Let her crave it and then don’t give it to her yet.
Just hint at it again as you pleasure her you can use your penis, finger or sex toy to press against and slide in just a little bit and then pull out, leaving her wanting more.
Rather than jumping straight for the clit when she gets turned on, then again build anticipation of the pleasure that is about to come.
Circle it, move close to it and then away again.
Move around other parts of the vulva but never fully engage with the clit, tease it.
Remember if in doubt then light touch is best in the beginning.
Also, variation is the spice of life, so don’t keep doing the same pattern every time as that become predictable and boring.
Use different strokes, your hands, your tongue.
Keeping penetration shallow often works best when you initially penetrate.
There is so much sensation at the shallow part of the vagina that is often neglected.
Women express getting a lot of enjoyment from shallow penetration.
It also builds anticipation and makes full, deep penetration feels so much better.
Don’t be in a rush. Slow down.
Building anticipation is a very under-valued sex tool, and many men are always in a rush.
The anticipation is what builds desire, and more sensation is then felt when you finally do penetrate deeply.
So, stay shallow when you first penetrate.
Staying deep can feel amazing for most women because
1. It makes a woman feel filled up.
2. It can hit sensitive spots for women that feel more deep sensations.
3. It can provide a continuous stimulation rather than the on-off sensation of in and out movement.
4. It can provide continuous stimulation to the clit.
5. It gives both the internal vagina and external clit stimulation at the same time a favorite of many women.
Let’s not forget the benefit to the man as it will also help you last longer because you have less friction.
The great thing about staying deep and moving either up and down in a rocking motion or circle is that it allows for her to get both clitoris stimulation as your skin is rubbing against her clit and feel you deep inside.
The best of both worlds.
And, often less movement in and out allow her to feel even more.
So, stay deep and move with your body close to her, so her clit also gets rubbed.
She will love you for this.
You have to ensure your body connect with her clit as you rock up and down or circle deep inside her.
You can either lean forward and hold your body weight on your elbows or hands, put a pillow in the arch of her back as seen below, hold her off the bed so her spine tilt or she can tilt her spine upwards.
Some women can have two orgasms at the same time when doing this sex position.
However, I wanted to separate the two because staying deep deserved its dedicated section.
The double stimulation means stimulating both the inside of her vagina and her clit.
Double stimulation gives the most satisfying orgasms for many women.
You can give her oral sex and also use a sex toy or your fingers.
Or, you can use just your hands, or if she is lying on her stomach, I sometimes have my thumb inside her and use the fingers to stimulate her clit.
And, you can use your penis and hands, as shown below.
In pornography, you often see the man using a single finger and the tip of his finger or tongue to stimulate the woman’s clit.
This pointy pressure does not feel pleasurable to most women.
Instead, use a bigger and flatter surface when touching her clit or around her clit.
Use multiple fingers and the flat surface, not the tip of your finger.
If she does like one finger, then again use a larger flat surface of the finger.
With your tongue don’t use the tip instead use the big flat area (see below).
Many women use circles to masturbate, so get her to show you or give you feedback so you can learn where and how she likes to be touched the most.
Some women feel too sensitive for direct touch on the expose clit, and others need stimulation directly on the clit.
Always start gentle and with less pressure and more slowness.
As she gets more excited, you can always increase it if she likes that.
Women also like to touch their clit area in different ways, and some parts feel better for each woman.
How and where women like to be touched on or around their clit is very individual, so encourage her to give you feedback and show you and ALWAYS be accepting and encouraging when she does give you feedback.
Send your ego on holiday, it’s not about you, and you are not supposed to know everything.
Every woman is different, so no matter how skilled you are, you need to learn something with each new woman you have sex with.
Try rubbing your skin in the same place for 10 minutes with the same stroke, same speed, and pressure.
While it might feel nice initially, it will eventually become numb, and you feel less, or it becomes annoying.
So you need novelty and change things up.
You can do this by changing where you touch, how you touch, and changing the pressure and speed.
Always start with less pressure and slow movements unless your woman has specified otherwise.
There is one exception to novelty where changing what you are doing will often have a negative impact.
When your woman is about to have an orgasm, you must stick to what you are doing and not change a thing.
Changing anything at this stage will often break her focus and take her out of the experience, and she will usually lose her orgasm.
So keep doing what you are doing and don’t get creative.
Also, remember she might be extremely sensitive just after having an orgasm so slow down or stop unless she asks you to continue.
Many people misinterpret this as “we are done” and stop.
This is a shame because around 50% of women have had multiple orgasms and even more can have them.
After the first orgasm, it’s a reset, and the touch you just used to get her to orgasm might not work the same.
Imagine it’s a new body, and you have to learn to stimulate it all over again.
You might take a short break in-between to allow the over sensitivity to subside.
The break could be seconds to minutes.
Go back to warm-up and build from there again unless she asks for you to progress faster.
Women are different to adapt to the feedback you get and remember to show appreciation for the feedback to encourage it more.
Some tips for round two are
• Less direct touch
• A slower and more gentle touch
• Less pressure
• Most often avoid direct stimulation of the exposed clit
Here are some critical comments to remember.
Some women can’t have multiple orgasms, and the pressure can be a turn-off and also leave them feeling inadequate.
If you don’t know, then make it an experiment and again don’t make the orgasm the goal and focus.
Try to explore if she can experience more pleasure after an orgasm.
Encourage her to explore on her own when masturbating as that is less pressure and she is likely less self-conscious of taking longer.
Feeling pressure is why most women discover being multi-orgasm when they masturbate.
Most importantly do what feels good as the goal is to enjoy the physical sensation and have an emotional experience.