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What is "love-bombing"? (Narcissistic & Borderline Personality Disorder Relationships)
The 3 typical stages of a relationship with someone with borderline personality disorder are idolization, devaluing, Discard.
The first stage is when the borderline put you on a pedestal and only see the good in you.
They create the perfect image of you because it makes them feel you are the one that will rescue them and not leave them.
They reveal their trauma and how badly people and ex partners have treated them in the past. They position themselves as the victim to get your empathy.
It makes you emotional invested, feel important and want to rescue them.
Then the love-bombing begins. They will shower you with affection.
Tell you. “you are the most amazing person they have ever meet”. They love you more than anyone else they have ever meet. You are the special one that understands them. You are so handsome & sexy.
They will make you feel great about all your insecurities.
It’s addictive. In that lies the danger.
It’s very typical for borderlines to pick partner that are less confident and secure as they are less likely to leave them, because they are easier to control.
It’s often people with codependent or anxious attachment that get attracted by and to a borderline, as they make them feel accepted and loved like they always wanted to feel.
A securely attached person will see the quick and intense love-bombing as unhealthy and the victim role created as toxic so they will likely leave in most cases.
The avoidant attached can’t give the borderline the attention and affection they need to feel safe, love and whole for a while.
So, it’s good for you to explore if you have been with a borderline if you are codependent or have anxious attachment because these can be healed in therapy and with the help of friends and family.
This will allow you to attract partners in the future that are better for you and avoid toxic relationships.
How to spot love-bombing:
Love-bombing is often combined with future promises.
They will say things like “I have never loved anyone like you” “you get me like no one else” “you are the most amazing man ever” “I want to spend my life with you, and you and me forever”
These statements will often happen fast, and they will talk about the future they want with you very quickly. Move in together, have children together, get married.
If someone show extreme signs of affection and talk about big future decisions very quickly then it’s a warning sign and you would be wise to slow things down.
It takes time to get to know someone and healthy love develops slowly between two balanced individuals that are happy to be on their own and comfortable with intimacy.
They don’t have to rush in to commitment and future promises and they also don’t express in extremes so quickly “best ever” “most amazing ever” “never loved anyone like you”
I know it can feel amazing to have someone express such acceptance and love for you but if it happens too quickly it’s likely not love but an addiction or express of mental issues and it’s also not stable.
As quick as it comes it goes…
So stay safe and know the red flags…
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