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What is "mirroring"? (Narcissistic & Borderline Personality Disorder Relationships)
It’s felt so perfect. Like they were your perfect match. Your soul mates.
You like the same things. They are interested in what you are interested in.
It feels too good to be true. Like you hit the jackpot.
They find out what you like, need and desire.
Then they act like they like the same.
They will share their vulnerabilities and wounds so quickly. Bad ex-partner, issues with friends and family. They show themselves as a victim and have many issues with many people.
Many short relationships, that did not work out because their ex was so “bad”….
They show a lot more interest in your life than other people have done before. It feels good right?
They get you to open up about your vulnerabilities and they will later use these against you when they split and go from idolizing to devaluing you.
Why they do it
Mirroring similar to love-bombing and future-faking it’s part of the overall strategy to hook you in.
You start to feel it’s your perfect match and so invest more. This makes them feel safer and in control.
For the borderline it’s often also associated with a lack of identity. They don’t have a strong sense of self so their interests, hobbies and goals can change often and fast as they adapt their identity from the people around them.
How to spot it
- They show a lot more interest in your life and interests than most other people. As I left my BPD I kept looking for someone that would show that level of interest in what I do and no one did because most people have their own identity and interests and don’t get consumed with mine. So, this is a warning sign.
- They are into all the things you are into. Again, some commonalities are normal but it’s all about extremes for a borderline they are into almost all the things you are into.
- They play the victim and have been wronged by many people in their lives and they share this with you very early on in the relationship.
- They have issues with many people and few close relationships. They easily cut people off in their life when they get upset instead of trying to work things out.
- Short lived relationships. Do they have a pattern of many short-term relationships?
How to heal
Accept that it was not real. The person you got addicted too pretended to be your perfect person. You did not lose that perfect person.
You did not love them. You loved how they made you feel. Because they made you feel that way you associated feel accepted, validated and loved with them.
How you felt was all a chemical reaction inside your brain they were just the external stimulation.
That mean if you can identify your needs you can find other ways to fulfil them.
Self-love is the first place to start and it’s a big topic for another video.
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