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Why you SHOULD NEVER call someone with Borderline personality disorder out
Why should you not call out your partner with borderline personality disorder?
Because they can’t self-reflect, and they will never acknowledge their part because of their black and white thinking they will always deflect and project blame and responsibility.
They will gaslight you and make it appear that you are the one that is the issue.
They will hit your triggers until you snap so they can say, look you are the one with the issue. You are the abusive party.
They lack emotional self-regulation so if you say anything that makes them feel bad about themselves, they will feel so intense shame and negative emotions so they will have to shut down to not feel that overwhelming pain.
If they are already in therapy, they might be able to acknowledge some part when they are not triggered but if they are unaware of their BPD they will not acknowledge it when it come from you.
When I did it, she blocked me everywhere and reported me to the police.
I get that all the madness finally makes sense to you and you want them to know so you can get emotional relief from your pain or you might hope they will come around.
They will not they will instead turn hostile towards you.
Share your newfound knowledge on DPB forums, with your therapist, your friends and families.
They can hear you and acknowledge you to give you the emotional relief.
We all want to be heard and understood so I get your need to share this, you just have to share it with the right people.
We all think that by sharing it your borderline partner will go “Oh yes that’s me” jump into therapy and change.
Part of the personality disorder is that unlike other mental health issues like depression, anxiety or OCD they struggle to self-reflect and often believe they are normal.
Their black and white thinking and intense emotional reactions make it almost impossible for them to acknowledge they have done something wrong.
Save yourself the pain and share what you have learned in the comments below.
The best way to stop the toxic pattern is not to tell them they have BPD, but to stop playing their game.
Disengage, and go no contact. Unless you want to continue to get dragged down by their illness.
And most importantly focus on you.
If you are in or have been in a relationship with a BPD, then so much of your energy and attention have been focused on them that you might have lost yourself a little.
Now is the time to focus on your needs and what feel’s good for you. Go watch my video on self-love that’s where your attention should be now.
I think it’s great you educate yourself on BPD if you had a BPD partner as it will help you make sense of the world again and that is important to restore safety.
You can’t fix your BPD so ask yourself before telling them they have BPD, what do you want to achieve by telling them?
That they change?
That things will go back to the love-bombing, honeymoon stage.
That your BPD will acknowledge your experience and give you closure?
None of that will happen.
You will get more gaslighting, likely attacks and if you are unlucky a smear campaign against your character.
I know you might want to get them back because they hurt you so badly, but the only way to win is to walk away.
Revenge will keep you trapped in the toxic dynamic and the stress and they are willing to go further than you so you will have to deal with the aftermath of their payback.
Spend your energy on creating the life you want now and healing.
You are the lucky one as you don’t have to live your entire life with a horrible personality disorder, and you can have healthy relationships.
That’s it for today.
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